Self-imposed isolation, day 39

If everything goes as planned, and I truly hope it will, this should be my last post from isolation. It’ll be two weeks since my first vaccine dose this weekend, so I have been cleaning my rented room and gathering my things. (I have sent away all coffee except what I need tomorrow morning, so this had better work out!) Tomorrow my family may be in for a shock when a cave woman will appear in our apartment. 😜

39 days is rather a lot more than the three hours I predicted I might last without my family. But what were these 39 days like?

Not very exciting, as I may have mentioned before (and again).

I missed my family, and that made it extremely hard, but otherwise, I did not suffer from isolation. Finally there are some perks in being an introverted hermit! As long as I have books to read and stories to write, I’m fine. True, sometimes it would be nice to go to places, like the library or museums (and the biggest nerd award goes to me! 😄), but the longer the pandemic has lasted, the less I seem to miss those things. Probably just adapting to the circumstances.

And being on one’s own is not always a bad thing. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, in connection with a story I’ve been playing around with, is how the perceptions of others (or their perceived perceptions) influence how we see ourselves. When people say things like ”You’re such-and-such a person” or ”You always…” - how do those interpretations and narratives affect the way we behave and the way we feel about ourselves? How do they influence our actions and, therefore, even our future? When you spend time on your own, you’re not surrounded by these interpretations. Can you be more yourself then, perhaps even rediscover or regain some part of yourself that you may have put aside, ignored or toned down while you’re around other people? When you’re on your own, you can’t rely on others for, say, emotional support. Perhaps there are traits that take over only when you’re alone because you don’t need them at other times.

I’m not going to share any big revelations concerning such things. Something that has become clear during these days: I am not prepared to discuss anything truly personal publicly. More drama and personal disclosures would, no doubt, make for more interesting reading, but that is not me – and I suppose you’d need to have that drama in your life before you can go and talk about it 😄 or at least have a talent for developing/embellishing it.

Something else I’ve learned during these weeks, though: I am the kind of person who’ll hand wash dishes rather than try and use an unfamiliar dishwasher. Considering the pizza debacle, that may be a good thing.

It would also appear I’m one of those people for whom unseen or implied threats are more frightening than things they can actually see. Not that I was scared here at night… much... but I did not bring a sword with me! Now, the sleeping alcoves have curtains, which seemed like a good idea, to close off the sleeping space and to shut off the light from the window. But no! Something might be lurking behind the curtains and I had to leave them open. Then again, when there was too much noise at night, I started closing the curtains, hoping they’d absorb sound. Apparently my fear of sleep-disturbing noise outweighs my fear of creatures of the dark.

Having mentioned swords, I’m seizing this excuse opportunity to post photos of mine (mostly because I have no relevant picture for today’s post). Click, and bigger pictures shall appear:

During this time, I wrote a blog post every day. Not an experiment I’m keen to repeat. Also, it seems that when I have nothing else to say, I start talking about food. Or embarrassing examples of serious bookgeekery. Or just books.

Oddly enough, the aforementioned pizza (mis)adventure ranks among the most popular of my isolation posts! Readers were equally interested in the one about books and libraries, though, and the one with my DD’s lovely snow owl. 💗

Last, but certainly not least, I want to say thank you to dear friends who have cheered me up, sent (and read) messages and generally been there for me. It has helped enormously, and I am truly lucky to know you. 💙

Self-imposed isolation, day 2

The first night here is over. It was not a good night. As a chronic insomniac, it is difficult for me to sleep in a new place (or even a familiar place, at that). Without my family, under these strange circumstances… impossible. This is an old house, so it creaks and groans constantly, and when you have an overactive imagination… well, you can imagine! When my husband is travelling and not at home at night, I usually sleep with one of my swords within my reach (though it would be little use in case of a fire, which is one of my greatest night time fears).

It seems I forgot to pack something quite essential (along with my melatonin, which my DH – Dashing Hero, in case you’re wondering – had to bring me last night): a cheese slicer! Now I have one! So much joy over so small a thing. 😀

I kept myself busy all morning, but after lunch, all this seemed awfully depressing. Even a good book failed to distract me, and that is saying something. Writing seemed too demanding, and so I turned to translation: we are working on an English translation of our first novel. That did give me something else to think about, and now we’re just about to start our first family group chat for the day.

Five questions (and answers, too)

I received these questions from a dear friend of mine over at the Almond Valley – check out her blog if you want to revel in gorgeous pictures of flowers, landscapes and all things beautiful. That blog is pure eye candy!

So, she's given me five questions and I'm to give five answers to each of these questions. Interesting! Here goes:

1. Where do you see love in the world?

It's

in family and friends

in the beauty of nature

in music that moves me

in words of compassion

in random acts of kindness

2. Your favourite flower – explain why.

Oh, there are so many, I can't pick (hee hee) just one! Good thing I'm allowed to name five. :)

As long as I remember, I've been partial to forget-me-nots. They don't seem to mind so much where they grow, they're small and modest, but that blue...! It's one of my favourite hues. (To illustrate, a picture from puutarha.net.)

Lilacs. Simple reason: the scent. One of my favourite scents (I do have many, true).

Lily of the valley. This is like the two of the above in one: small, fragile, but has an amazing scent.

Twinflower (Linnaea borealis). Small, fragile (anyone see the pattern here?). To me, this is the flower of poetry: to my ear, their Finnish name (vanamo) is phonetically pleasing and they feature in some iconic Finnish poems (image below from peda.net).

And finally, the stereotypical, boring choice... dark red roses. Can't help it. They're gorgeous. They're the classic. They're drama. They're romance. To illustrate: a picture of my rapier and a red rose:

3. Your secret dream/wish?

If I tell you, it won't be a secret, right? ;)

All right. Confession time. I guess this counts as a secret since I never talk about it, except with a few trusted friends (you know who you are, you poor things who have to put up with my blather). I'd love to learn to write well.

Four more... I'm going to be greedy and list the things I want (either more of or to keep what I have): love, health, time, passion.

4. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Some home-made muesli (I make it myself so I know what goes into it – anything you buy from a store contains heaps of refined sugar and other useless stuff... and I like mine with plenty of dates) with skim milk. A big mug of coffee. Black, no sugar, nothing. Just coffee.

Wait. That's only three things. Erm... a glass of water. A small handful of pills: vitamins and my AS meds.

5. A book that gives you strength?

Any book I'm reading at a given moment. That should count for at least five, but as a bonus, I'm going to actually name one:

Manda Scott's Boudica books. Boudica is definitely one of the best characters in the “strong female character” category, and the books are about small tribes standing up against Rome, the superpower of its time. Imagine the courage and resilience and heroism and sheer stubborness that demanded!

I love Boudica (or Breaca), and her brother is one of my all-time favourite characters. All right, one of the major fictional character crushes I've ever suffered (suffered???). To me, his story is about whether we can live with the consequences of our actions and the remorse; whether we can find forgiveness and whether we can forgive ourselves. It's heart-breaking but encouraging.